Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Today one of our female members requested that we start a thread around a single word: orgasm.

This is the first open space to discuss issues brought up in the course.  It is a place to ask questions and relate experiences, to even bring what we have been learning into some kind of relation to the concerns that animate your lives.

Please identify yourself only by gender and age.


  1. Female, 20

    I think it's interesting that for most women orgasm is all about how you feel emotionally with that person. For me, I've had orgasms with guys I have been in love with. Out of the guys I have 'hooked up' with, I have only had an orgasm with one of them, and he was a long time friend ('friends with benefits')... Recently I started hooking up with a guy, and didn't have orgasms with him UNTIL we started gaining mutual feelings for eachother. I think the concept is interesting..that love within sex increases orgasms for women (MOST of the time, not ALL the time).

  2. Female, 20

    I think it's really irritating for most women when he gets all the pleasure and most guys don't really care whether you do or not. I've had several orgasms with my boyfriend and for some reasons it feels better when it's a lot slower and more gentle because I think that for me that's more romantic. He is really considerate and sometimes I tell him it's ok for him to "finish" since the sex itself feels good. He usually refuses because he says it's not fair for me and I believe him, but I also think he wants me to enjoy it so that I'm not unhappy with him. However, sometimes I do get irritated, and I can't really figure out why, but I feel bad about it so I try not to let him know until I get over it. I think the main problem is that he tries not to "finish" so he will take breaks (like stop and pull out then start again). So in between his breaks I begin to get turned off. So overall, it's a real problem and we have had to experiment to solve it. Overall though it takes a lot of work specially when you are in a committed relationship, but the time put into things like this is rewarding. I think that one of the big problems with sex is talking about it. There are too many people afraid to let their partners know when the sex is not pleasurable. So when you are not having orgasms and are irritated, speak up!

  3. Female, 20
    I have been with my boyfriend for over 10 months now. Every time we make love I am able to orgasm and feel so special that he gets me to this level. But I have a problem...he never has had an orgasm in me. The only time he has had an orgasm has been when I give him a hand job. We have discussed this but he says it doesn't matter as long as I get there, because that is what matters to him. I know that he enjoys making love to me but I want him to experience what I feel when he gets me there. What do I do?

  4. Female, 22

    That's the complete opposite of how it is for me. Personally, if I am attracted and turned on by the person then I can pretty much orgasm every time. It might sound selfish, but I have to shut everything else out and concentrate on the physical feelings I'm experiencing. I can't think of the other person when I'm working up to the climax. I think my mind gets too busy and less focused if there are too many complicated emotions like love whirling around.

    Love isn't something incredibly sexual for me, it has an aspect of it, but its more of a permanent "I-will-always-be-there-for-you" thing, as opposed to having an orgasm during sex which for me has a more of a "let-me-be-an-unrestrained-freak" feel to it.

    Give me a Teddy Bear if you want my love, give me handcuffs if you want me to orgasm.

  5. Female 20,

    If there's anything I learn in Soc 152a is that anxiety is a big problem for some guys. (correct me if I'm wrong). I think that some guys might be too anxious and they think about it too much. The same can also be for girls. What always helps me is to clear my mind, relax and enjoy it! If I think too much about it, that's when it's hard to climax.

  6. Male, 20

    For me, it’s really difficult having sex. As a man, I have to deal with a double standard. There is all this pressure to last and not just get off and roll over. I used to have a problem with lasting long enough in bed and after enough practice of trying to last I now have the problem of not being able to get off a lot of the time. Is this because I’m thinking too much and worried about my partner, or is it because I don’t want to disappoint them? Sometimes this pressure makes me not even want to have sex.

  7. I definitely agree with the last person's comment. In remember asking a friend how is it that she could have an orgasm so easily and she told me to concentrate on what was going on and how it made me feel physically. It definitely did the trick and helped me to orgasm more often. I also feel that too often men don't take their time learning their lover's body (likes/dislikes) which leads to a lack of orgasm in many women.

  8. Female, 20

    I don't understand women who fake it

    Who cares about the man's ego?
    A lot of b/s goes on because you allow it

    Any good man would be willing to please you and be willing to listen as you teach him what works best for you, and if he doesn't then move on to the next one

    There's no good reason why the man should be the only one getting off

  9. Female, 21

    Definitely agree: NEVER fake it! I feel that if my partner doesn't genuinely make me orgasm then he shouldn't think that he had. It will only make me unhappy and he will keep making the same mistakes since he thinks that whatever he is doing is working.

    Its not just about the climax, but still, why reward a behavior that isn't one you want repeated?

  10. I'm male, 20 , and after enjoying watching my girlfriend orgasm so many times from oral sex, (it's been over a year now) I have to wonder if having vaginal sex would be a step down from that. We have not had "coitus." I'm actually in a traditional role reversal with her. We don't usually "do" me and that is my decision. I get all the fulfillment I need every time she tenses up in an orgasm. I'm like: "good job tongue!" Then I think of the schematic of the vagina. The clitoris is at least an inch from the vaginal opening... The penis is not magic. It can't reach up to clitoris during sex. Even if it does do some stimulating, it is nothing compared to the gymnastics of my tongue. I've tried to find the G spot with my fingers (a topic I want to hear about from some girls) to no avail. So here's our plan (feel free to copy guys). When we do start having sex, I guess it will be the usual coitus. If I orgasm, cool, if not, cool. If she does, then that's awesome, if not, she gets oral. It never fails if you do it right, guys. But seriously, I want to talk about the G-spot. Girls? Is the clitoris the only way?

  11. Male 22, (Loves to Love)
    -not in response to the previous comment-
    Being in a long-term committed relationship, orgasming was definitely easiest and most satisfying for me, and my partner, whenever we were thinking on the same page - either both very relaxed with each other, or just wanting to screw each other - the background emotions and feelings that we had outside of the sex seemed to be enough to ensure orgasm for me 90% of the time and her about the same from what she told me. I postulate that being on the same wave-length going into the bed - or wherever it was - was enough of a start to let us both figure ourselves and each other out, which consequently led to orgasm - or wanting to be 'done' with the sex, around the same time. As a guy, during and after the relationship ended, I think that orgasming - in different ways - can be an easy release, but when coupled with a female that isn't trying to just, 'get the job done for you', it makes you want to not just 'get that release', and it's much more enjoyable for both parties.

    not really sure if this makes perfect sense, but it does to me as a male whose been in love